I'm Feeling Flushed

Below is an e-mail that I recently sent to the head of maintenance for our company:

Dear _____:

Sometimes in the middle of the night mysterious questions steal into the subconscious mind.

One of the ones that stole into my mind last night related to the Third Stall of the Men's Restroom outside of the Legal Department. The sign has been there for some time. It says: "Flush Three Times." I am somewhat embarrassed to ask about this mysterious sign (knowing that my subconscious mind should be dwelling on higher and better topics) but have decided to do so anyway.

First, let me say that I have had some familiarity with toilets. I have cleaned them during my service station years, repaired them during the years that my wife ran rentals and have replaced and repaired toilets in my own residence. Like blessings, toilets occasionally run over. In addition they get stopped up and one must resort to what is euphemistically called "The Plumber's Friend." And I have also owned and used an assortment of routers and other arcane devices to keep the waters flowing. Further, I have inspected restrooms in a variety of countries from Russia to Turkey, to Mexico and China. In my youth, I have even utilized what is known in Texas and Missouri as an "outhouse" where you never had to flush once, much less three times. Further when ill or after assorted drink I have been known to inspect toilets closer and have bowed at the ceramic altar on more than one occasion.

Thus after almost 60 years experience (I was toilet trained early) and after inspecting toilets throughout the world, this is absolutely the first time that I have ever seen a toilet sign that says "Flush Three Times." Further I have never seen any other toilet in the world that needs to be flushed three times unless it was stopped up.

The stall adjoining the third stall only requires one flush.

If you can help me with some of my questions I would appreciate any insights you might have:

Did the toilet defeat our Sanitary Engineers, and they simply gave up?

Who put up the sign? Was it Maintenance, a defeated Plumber or a frustrated Attorney or M&A Person?

If the toilet is defective, why not simply replace it? I will be willing to make a modest contribution of a minimum of $50 if it is a matter of cost. There may be some other guys in the area whose arms I might twist if it is a matter of money.

Is the toilet uniquely located where there is no water pressure or at the end of some type of sanitary line. If such is the case and it can not be repaired then I guess it is better to have a toilet that you flush three times than no toilet at all. With no toilet we would be "S**t out of Luck."

Why is it that the toilet worked at one time with one flush but now takes three flushes?
Lastly, why does it take one flush to win a card game, but three flushes to have success in the men's room.

Now I know what you may say. "Those lawyers are full of s**t, and that is the real problem." Perhaps so. However, any light that you can shed on this men's room problem will be greatly appreciated. The problem with the attorneys is just the "nature of the beast" and is incapable of solution.

Another saying is that "S**t runs down hill. Well in this case it has rolled up hill and my subconscious mind has now needled me to ask the above questions. When you get an opportunity and you see me next, you might give me some background so that I can go back to sleep at night.

Thanks.

HarleyDad