Today's guest-blogger is the Imp Queen, World Monarch, my beautiful and brilliant firstborn daughter, Julie.
IQWM: Hi Dad, and Happy 60th birthday! Fancy meeting you here. I bet you didn't expect me.
HD: No, I didn't, you sniveling little hacker.
IQWM: And a happy birthday to you, too. What are you, now, about like 60 or so?
HD: That's right. July 10, 194hmph is a day that will live in infamy.
IQWM: Yeah, that's what Mema said. Now, I think we should go over some of your great accomplishments, Butchie, and talk about your life up to this point.
HD: No, let's not.
IQWM: Okay then. You were born a Texan, and you'll die an expat Texan. Does that explain your fascination with license plates?
HD: What??
IQWM: I hear that you, as a college member of the NOZE Brotherhood, may have been responsible for the distribution of disestablishmentarian leaflets via an air filtration system during an important muckety-muck meeting. Is that true?
HD: I had help. Your mother drove the getaway car. But that's not the point. The establishment is a....
IQWM: Did you, or did you not, later reverse your disestablishmentarian position and give money to John Ashcroft so he could cover up the breast of Lady Justice with $8,000 felt?
HD: I categorically deny that I had anything to do with that man.
IQWM: So, daddy, I also hear that you are one of the great negotiators in our country, that you speak multiple languages, that you travel extensively and give hope to the hopeless and jobs to the jobless, plus your company makes Harley parts, all of which is fabulous. yes?
HD: Why, thank you, you little brat, I didn't think you'd notice.
IQWM: And yet you hate pug dogs. Even Buddhist ones, which are the most peaceful kind. What is up with that?
HD: He pooped on my Oriental rug! Right by the bear table and the giant Ming vase and the bronze eagle! Did you not see the pooping by the bronze eagle?
IQWM: Daddy, that was a statement on art. Big Bird is fugly.
HD: So is your dog. He smells weird, too.
IQWM: Agreed, daddy, but so do your feet. So, daddy, you've done a number of cool things lately. Care to share?
HD: I have bought a 100th anniversary edition Harley Sportster. I have worn a 'do-rag and learned how to spell it. My daughter made me the coolest blog in history by stealing graphics from Harley-Davidson. I have jumped out of a plane, I have gone to China and Belgium and Brazil and Switzerland and Disneyworld. I got Darth Vader as a client. I now have a truck, my SUV, my bike, and my boat, so I'm cool.
IQWM: No wave-runners, then?
HD: Hmmmmm.
IQWM: What color is your boat?
HD: It's sort of red and white.
IQWM: So it's a mid-life boat, much like the midlife bike and the midlife airplane jump.
HD: The Harley isn't red, so shuttup, because I am YOUNG, dammit, YOUNG AT HEART. (HD begins to rap: Take heed 'cause I'm a lyrical poet / HarleyDad's on the scene just in case you didn't know it...)
IQWM: (Ice, ice, baby) How's that blood pressure hangin' in there, Dad? By the by, thanks for passing along the heart thing and the fat thing. I really appreciate that.
HD: I can't help it. You were born of a particularly strong swimmer with a tendency toward metabolic syndrome.
IQWM: Ewwwww... keep that stuff to yourself.
HD: You're the nurse, you handle it.
IQWM: Well, Daddy, that's about it. I just want to thank you for being a wonderful father. You taught me about humor and sarcasm, love and how to do my taxes, and you were always supportive of me, even when i wanted to do crazy stuff like nominate myself World Monarch.
HD: Thanks, sweetie. I always wanted a despot for a daughter.
IQWM: Happy Birthday, Daddy. May all your hopes, dreams and wishes come true. I love you.
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9 comments:
Happy birthday, Daddy. I love you!
Happy birthday, HarleyDad!
Julie is an absolute hoot, and as one of the two that had part in creating and raising her has to be just fantastic.
I hope your day is fun, fun, fun.
WHAT HAPPENS AT 60
by Kevin
when you're feeling creaky bones
and your sac has but two stones,
the third descending testicle appears!
three nuts! you're more a man
than your next-door neighbor Stan,
a greasy gent with caulifower ears!
feel the power of three balls
and walk naked through your halls!
a testicle for every twenty years!
rejoice now with the wife!
squirt the sacred juice of life!
"Three testicles! HOORAY!" the choir cheers!
Happy Birthday! You know the joke about the old Scotsman watching baseball, right? When he heard that a baseball player had to walk-- not run-- because he'd got four balls, the Scotsman cried, "WALK WITH PRIDE, LADDIE! WALK WITH PRIDE!"
When you reach eighty, you get the fourth ball.
Pax,
Kevin/BigHominid
PS: Julie said I could write something foul, so I did.
PPS: If you're sixty, then according to East Asian reckoning you've done five cycles of the 12-year zodiac.
Koreans call the sixtieth birthday "hwan-kap," literally "gone around the cycles." Eldest children throw a gigantic party for the parent in question, usually performing a song or reading poetry as part of the festivities. Lots of alcohol-fueled laughing and weeping.
May your day be festivity-filled, and may you enjoy many, many more birthdays.
People ride for all sorts of different reasons. You chose to ride a Harley to 'subsidize your company' :grin: I actually ended up riding a Harley by default. I decided to try to recapture some of the enjoyment/excitement that I used to get from riding (I rode on&off-road from about age 10 'till I went to college). My first decision was to get a cruiser because I know myself well enough to know that my life span would be decidedly shortened if I was on a bike that would do 150mph+. Between oil leakage/maintenance issues and initial cost, I hadn't even considered a Harley. But a little research seemed to say that the EVO motor is manufactured with closer tolerances, and that most of the oil leak problems started when AMF (bloody Volley Ball company making motorcycles :shaking head:) owned the company. Then when I started actually shopping for bikes ... I found that I could buy a used Harley that someone else had already spent the money to accessorize with less restrictive pipes, different handlebars, and all the chrome do-dad's everyone puts on their bike the minute they buy it ... all for only a little more than my alloted budget of $5,000!
You realize of course, there are Harley riders that make fun of us that ride Sportsters (especially those of us who, like me, ride the even more girly 883), but I'd like to see one of those guys on a Fat Boy keep up with us through The Twisties, or off the line even!!!
Now, I love my Harley, but I'm not necessarily a "Harley Guy" per say. I believe that anyone strong enough to swing a leg over the seat, twist the throttle, and dodge the 'cagers' is part of the Brotherhood Of Bikers. On the road, I'll wave to people on everything from mopeds and crotch rockets to full-dressers and choppers...
Though I did see a sticker recently that particularly struck me as all too true:
"Fifteen Grand & Fifteen Miles Does NOT Make You A Biker!"
In my mind ANY dusty, bug splattered bike on the road is worth infinitely more than an immaculate, museum quality bike in the garage!
So stop reading this drivel, get out there and enjoy the wind on your face, the bugs in your teeth, and celebrate 60 years of life lived to it's fullest!!!
(and don't forget that if the road you're on leads you to NY you've always got a place for a hot shower and to catch a few Z's)
Happy Birthday from the MIB
Congratulations on such a grand milestone in life! I'm a decade and a half plus six months behind you.
I find myself nearly speechless after Kevin's outpouring. I shall babbly incessantly another time.
Best of everything,
Arnie
Happy Sixtieth, Poet! I wish you many happy more to come.
Hello Ms. Imp's Dad.
I hope you have a wonderful birthday. [turning around - okay Imp, where's my dollar?]
Signed, The Forgotten One.
A dollar!?
She told me fitty cents!
Hmmph! The ImpQueen best be buying you something very special HarleyDad, after chintzing me outta half a buck.
;)
Happy Birthday Papa! Just think, you're exactly four times my age!
I Love You!
Taryn
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