Pi is not Square.

Pi is not square; pie is round.

Pie sings. Generally you have to cut it. Once a piece of pie is cut, it begins to sing. This is especially true of lemon merange pie, especially if it has grahm cracker crust. Key lime pie does the same.

During the day, when there are sounds and noises and meetings and kids about, you song is a low song that you almost can not hear.

Pie sings better at night and its sirene song is sung best between 12 p.m. and 3:00 a.m. in the morning. The pie sings at its loudest. I can hear it sing : "Eat me, I am good for you--I am the best pie in the universe."

When you are asleep and T.V. is not blaring and there are no sounds of phones or of children, then the ears can hear the seductive sound of pie promising delights unheard of, if only you will get up and visit it. It sings: "I am delicious, I am calory free, eat me and you will live forever."

Pie sings lying songs and like the sirene songs sung to Odyseus of old, it attempts to take your diet and crash it disastrously on the rocks.

Attemps to shut down pie songs by placing pie into refrigerators has been proven scientifically to have been unsuccessful. It seems that cold only calls pie to sing louder and more insistantly.

Pie has also proven to contribute to memory loss. Many of you like me have opened the refrigerator in the morning to get the milk out and you notice that another pie of pie is missing from the pie plate, and you wonder where it went.

And while you are at it, most pie goes great with milk. So you sit down in the morning to have a glass of milk and a piece of pie instead of the scrambled egg that is your normal breakfast.

And the vicious cycle has just begun. Because once pie begins to sing, it continues to sing until the last piece of pie is finally eaten.

What is worse, pie ages well. Like lasagne or certain types of cheese or red wine, it only get better with age or so it is believed. Unfortunately, this can not be proven, since most pie is eaten completely before it has a chance to age.

And so pie has a more haunting melody than the most beautiful tragic opera by Puccinni. Tragically it is wiped out early in the opera; but its memory births more pies that inevitable will sing and call during their short lives until they too are eaten, causing a ghost yard of devastated wrecks of diets surrounding pie and its beautiful sirene song in the night.