One of my more unusual and expensive Christmas gifts this year was a Christmas Card. It was sent to me by the Emerald Prince. The Emerald Prince is one of my sons, the eldest. He resides in the Emerald Palace in Northern Ozarklandia. It is Christmas time there and the halls are decked with holly and barbed wire. There the Christmas season is against the law except for a few Christian inmates that celebrate it anyway. For the other residents, it is the season not to be jolly. Christmas is a time of depression. No gifts, no tree, no family, no hope.
At any rate, I received a beautiful Harley Card in the mail from the Emerald Prince. Pictures are above. So where does it come from. You can't buy it in the Emerald Palace Shopping Mall. It is cleverly made and beautifully decorated. It is mailed in a legal envelope that is made available to residents for contacting their attorneys. The card itself is made from a manilla folder that has been cut down. Even the act of cutting down takes some doing since life in the Emerald Palace is like traveling in Tourist Class, they don't let you have real knives and forks there . Well I will ask no questions, and the Emerald Prince will tell me no lies.
On the outside of the card and on the inside are beautiful drawings by inmates who now take their talents at making tatoos and convert these talents into those of commercial artists. Then there are stickers strategically place on the card. I had to ask about these. The Emerald Prince tells me that the stickers hide blemishes on the card.
Was the card expensive?? Not that it matters but nothing is free in our society or his. So I ask, "What does the card cost?" The Emerald Prince says 3-4 packs of cigarettes. Not the cheapies sold in the canteen which are generics. We are talking Marlboro's here. The kind of Marlboro's sold in the visiting lounge for $5 per pack and payable in quarters, one quarter at a time.
Now here is the way I figure it. Three to four packs of Marlboros cost $15-20 on outside money. However the value inside the Emerald Palace is considerably more. Inside you make $12 per month by working 40 hours per week . That is the princely sum of $.08 per hour. So the card is worth 180 to 240 hours of work. Minimum wage is $ 5.15 per hour on the outside. So assuming the Prince was making minimum wage the card was worth $927 to $1442.
Now that is mucho dinario for a card. Even the Hallmark Christmas Cards in the mail only cost $5 and I thought that they were expensive.
So, Emerald Prince, thanks for the card. It is one of most prized gifts this year. Beside I am going to have that Harley Picture on the card framed.
Merry Christmas, Emerald Prince. God be with you.
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