L.

When it rains I some times think of my favorite cousin L.

L was my first cousin. I often remember her when she was a teenager. She was older by several years. She had dark hair and was beautiful. During Thanksgivings spent with our extended family she was the oldest of the four of us. She was the leader. She was also gentle and kind to the oldest of the boy-kids that often played together during those holiday times. Never do I remember her being unkind in any way. Of course, she knew all the secrets of being a true teenager and we were all in awe of her-at least I was. She was cool.

Our paths crossed and intersected again. I was going to graduate school in Louisiana and she had two daughters by then and lived in the same student housing, putting her husband through law school. We got to know them again during this period.

Our lives separated again. Our kids grew. Then one day I heard that she and her husband had divorced. Later there were other problems as the family tried to make it without a father and with the other issues that so many families have had to deal with.

L. finally after going through many things and seeing the disappointments that life often brings, was found dead in her car having committed suicide.

It seems like the most gentle flower is likely to go first when winter comes.

L. was gentle and kind. The Bible says that sometime the people of God are not welcome in this world. L. was too gentle for this world.

After the funeral, the family got together and begin to talk about L. and her life. Soon the spirit of life returned and soon the family was even laughing together at some of the family stories. I believe L. would have smiled if she had heard the conversations, and I believe she may have.

Suicide has always been looked down on by the church unless someone chooses consciously to do it because of their faith, and then we call it martydom.

I believe that God loves. He loves those too wounded by the world to go on.

I believe God loves L. and has applied the "balm" and medicine of his love to her and her wounded heart.

So when it rains, sometimes I think of L. and the fact that God knew her wounded heart and loved her much.

I miss L.